As Mdm Bama Vaithilingam, 58, lit up her home for Deepavali, she also dispelled the darkness of her past agony with unwavering hope.
Fourteen years ago, when her elder son was already in his twenties, Mdm Bama gave birth to her second child, Vikshaya.
However, doctors soon revealed that Vikshaya had Down Syndrome—a diagnosis that struck the mother like a thunderbolt.
Tragedies began to pile up. Born with a congenital heart defect, the little girl was later diagnosed with leukemia at just two years old.
Mdm Bama’s constantly anxious mind slowly began to shatter, and she was soon gripped by severe postpartum depression.
Her first four months of motherhood were spent entirely within the confines of a hospital, watching her baby struggle to survive with a hole in her heart. Because the infant lacked the oxygen required to even drink milk, she had to be sustained through a feeding tube.
The physical toll on the child mirrored the emotional collapse of the mother. Mdm Bama recalls screaming and fighting with the hospital staff, unable to bear the sight of needles constantly piercing her fragile baby to draw blood.
“People use the word ‘depression’ so casually, but the actual experience is incredibly cruel,” Mdm Bama said.
She recalled terrifying moments when a dark inner voice would urge her to harm herself and her child just while opening the refrigerator or drawing bathwater for the baby.
“It is easy for others to judge those of us struggling with depression, but only those who go through it can truly understand its deep pain,” she said, shedding tears as she recounted those dark days. She noted that neither her husband nor her son could fully comprehend what she was enduring at the time.
During that bleak period, the kind words of a friend she spoke to occasionally served as her only beacon of light. She also found solace in prayer and the meaningful lyrics of Tamil yesteryear film actor M G Ramachandran’s songs.
Ultimately, however, it was her daughter’s smile that became the beacon of her life.
Today, 14-year-old Vikshaya attends a special education school. “She is my life,” Mdm Bama said, her face blooming with a radiant smile.
Recalling how “tongues were wagging” at her accidental pregnancy, the mother revealed that she contemplated abortion but ultimately decided against it.
“Many people ask me what rescued me from that darkness. My daughter is the answer. Her pure, unblemished love and affection are the very light God has blessed me with,” Mdm Bama said.
