To many, Mr Krishnasamy Kesavapany is a formidable diplomat with a steely exterior.
With a career spanning decades and representing Singapore at the highest levels of international relations, he held roles such as Permanent Representative to the United Nations in Geneva and served in diplomatic capacities with countries including the United Kingdom, Malaysia and Indonesia.
Yet, he has a softer side, which he shared most with his late dog Benji, a Border Collie pup the family got from London, who was a cherished member of the family for 15 years.
After a long day of trade negotiations in Geneva, while the rest of the household had gone to sleep, Benji would patiently wait at the doorstep for the now 89-year-old when the latter reached home late at night.
“He (Benji) changed our lives. Everything was centred on him. He became our youngest child,” said Mr Kesavapany, who has two children, Mr K. Murali Pany, 58, a lawyer, and Mr Sashi Kesavapany, 53, a neuroscientist.
Mr Kesavapany’s affection for Benji reflects his family-first approach to life and diplomacy. “My first priority is the family. Everything else comes second,” he highlighted.
Another example is his family’s weekly gathering on Sundays, either at the veteran diplomat’s current residence or at a restaurant, where they catch up over a communal meal.
However, this is not a steadfast rule. “You can’t expect everyone to be present every time. They (the grandchildren) have their own friends, so you live and let live,” explained Mr Kesavapany, who has a grandson and granddaughter, aged 19 and 17 respectively.
“You do what you can”, he said. This conviction has allowed him to strike a good balance between his professional and family life.
Despite the demands of his career, especially during times of crisis, he ensured that he “never brought work home” and made it a priority to plan his leave in advance so he could be present for important family milestones, such as his two sons’ university graduations.
Most of the family’s fondest memories were forged through their many travels across the world.
One such occasion was a road trip across Europe when Mr Sashi was 10 years old, and the family had to spend a night bundled up in the car as there were no hotel rooms available.
“All I remember is that I woke up with my brother’s feet in my face. It was a core memory. It was fun. I think that drove me, when I was in university doing my own travels, whatever happens, we just go,” Mr Sashi recalled.
Despite his distinguished career in foreign service, Mr Kesavapany has never pressured his sons to follow in his footsteps. “He left us to explore and do our own thing. That’s been largely positive because we’ve been able to forge our own paths,” Mr Sashi said.
Mr Kesavapany firmly believes in the power of education.
“Both my sons are well-educated, went to university, they have got jobs, and they have got a social life. What other expectations do you need?” he remarked.
Post-retirement, he has continued to champion academic empowerment in the Singaporean Indian community through his social work efforts with the Singapore Indian Development Association (SINDA) and at Singapore Indian Education Trust (SIET), where he is a trustee.
He also emphasised that diplomacy on the global stage is as important as it is at home. His secret to maintaining harmony within the family? “Just say the mother is right,” he quipped.
Now a parent himself, Mr Sashi said one of the qualities he admires most about his father is his patience and unwavering commitment to the family: “He extols the concept of family very strongly, which I think I have not done to that extent. He’s a better man than I am,” he said.
