Op-ed: How to Save Money While Driving Something Expensive

“I bought a car,” said my friend, who had recently moved to Singapore. I congratulated him.

“I need your advice,” he continued. “A car is a luxury in Singapore. It’s expensive, and the public transport system is excellent. Yet I took the plunge.” 

He looked up.

“And now you want to sell it?” I said. “I’m not sure…”

“No! I love the car, man. But I want to get maximum value from it. After all, you’re the paisa-vasool pathan” (Hindi for ‘king of getting bang for the buck’).

I glowed. I hadn’t realised that I’d built a name for myself as a cheapskate. Squaring my shoulders to live up to his expectations, I spoke. “I’d have started with Getting Full Value through Deft Coupon Punching, but…”

“Hang on!” he said, taking out a notebook and pen.

I explained the neat trick of maximising coupon mileage by punching 30 minutes at a time, then rushing back to the car every 29 minutes to punch another. 

“But don’t write that down. The Parking app has rendered this pleasure obsolete by charging only for actual minutes parked.”

His face fell. I felt bad to burst a balloon I’d inflated.

“There are other ways,” I added soothingly, “like minimising toll payments at the ERP gantry, which is designed to suck away your money as you zip along. Let me start with what a normal mortal does. If their meeting is at 10am and the venue is 40 minutes from the tollway entry, they’d enter at 0910, allowing a 10-minute cushion after they reach.

“Don’t write that!” I added sharply, seeing him about to scribble. “We’re not mere mortals. We first research the gantry charge. Let’s say we discover it goes up from S$1.50 to S$2 at 0755, becomes S$2.50 from 0800 to 0805, S$3.00 from 0805 to 0825, S$3.50 for the next five minutes, S$4.00 for another five and then S$4.50 from 0905. What would you do?”

He took a minute to write all those numbers down and examine them. “Got it!” he said triumphantly. “I’ll enter at 0750, 70 minutes before the mere mortal, saving S$3 in ERP charges.” 

“Novice reply! You’d reach your destination at 0830 for a 1000 meeting, with 90 minutes for thumb-twiddling. While thumb-twiddling is free, parking at the client’s building is not. You’ll end up adding to the bill, not reducing it.”

He nodded, looking chastened. 

“Here’s what you do,” I continued. “Enter 15 minutes before the mortal and save one dollar right away. For maximum pleasure, enter between 0854 and 0855.”

“Got it!” he said. “15 minutes of thumb-twiddling and extra parking fee.”

“No! Stick to the left-most lane, drive slowly and allow free access to every car wanting to enter the highway. That rare courtesy will make the day for those drivers and add 10 minutes to your drive, so you end up paying only for five minutes of extra parking.” As he wrote that, I told him to make a column on the right. 

“Call it Plan B – an alternative to driving slowly,” I said. “Drive at your normal speed, enter the carpark at 0935 and exit at 0944 – just within the 10-minute grace period. Re-enter at 0949 and park at 0950. Zero extra parking fee!”

He gave me a starry-eyed look. “No wonder you’re the paisa-vasool pathan!”

He leaned forward to shake my hand. But the pathan was not done.

“The car and the public library offer another strange paisa-vasool opportunity,” I said. “We’re allowed to borrow 24 books for three weeks, extendable by another three. To maximise value: (a) always borrow 24 books, (b) choose the biggest ones you can find, (c) renew them for another 3 weeks on the 21st day (doing it earlier would reduce the pleasure); and (d) return the books on the 42nd day, close to midnight. And here’s where car ownership comes in. Try lugging 24 big books around in the MRT. But in your boot? A breeze.”

Nodding, he kept writing.

“With my limited weight-lifting abilities,” I continued. “I usually borrow fewer than eight books. But you’re a gym-buff with biceps that bulge. Go for 24. In fact, make it a romantic outing with the wife and borrow 48 – carry her 24 for her, of course. And remember the 10-minute grace period if you’re only dropping off books. Park car, jog to station, drop books, jog back.”

As he walked away, notebook clutched to chest, a beatific smile on face, I wondered if I should charge consultation fees and get paisa for my vasool advice.

tabla@sph.com.sg

Paddy Rangappa (www.linkedin.com/in/paddyrangappa/), an ex-CEO, now teaches humour for leaders; happiness at work; and marketing through consumer insights.